2026-27 Week 2

WEEK 2 — THE OLD GUYS ARE REALLY STARTING TO FEEL IT

The second week of the Tuesday Night Over 30 Alumni Hockey League is officially in the books, and once again, several important questions remain unanswered:

Can these guys still skate?

Why does everyone's back hurt?

Who keeps leaving the locker room smelling like a brewery?

🔥 BRICK OVEN GRINDERS KEEP COOKING

Brick Oven Grinders 4 — MacKenzie's Automotive 2

Brick Oven Grinders are officially 2-0 and apparently have no intention of letting anyone else have fun at the top of the standings.

Brian Kopf, Scott Retzlaff, Shaughan Irving and Ben Certo each found the back of the net.

Nick Laratta also chipped in with an assist, proving once again that Brick Oven apparently has enough offense to make everyone else question their defensive strategy.

MacKenzie's got goals from Dave DeMizio and Matt Beamish, but it wasn't enough.

Brick Oven Grinders: 2-0

MacKenzie's Automotive: 1-1

At this point, Brick Oven players are probably walking around the locker room saying

things like:

“We're just taking it one game at a time.”

Meanwhile, they're already checking hotel prices for the championship parade.

🚨 AAA TIMBERLINE: STILL UNDEFEATED

AAA Timberline 6 — HHJ Dentistry 5

AAA Timberline survived a five-goal explosion from HHJ Dentistry and improved to 2-0.

Tom Hanna and Josh Bluman each scored twice, while George Woodley and Rob Cushman also found the net.

HHJ Dentistry wasn't going quietly. Rich Jenkins scored twice, Jim Scaringi scored twice, and Matt Shumate Jr. added another. Unfortunately for HHJ, five goals wasn't enough.

Apparently the defense decided that Week 2 was still part of the preseason.

🚀 WATCHTOWER FINANCIAL GOES ABSOLUTELY NUCLEAR

Watchtower Financial 12 — Villani's Landscape 3

Twelve. TWELVE GOALS.

Watchtower Financial apparently showed up Tuesday night believing the league had changed the rules to include a mercy rule. Colton Anstey had an absolutely ridiculous night with FIVE GOALS. Even if one of them was him stealing the puck from his teammate and scoring. Jason Pietrowski added a goal and three assists, while Rob Martin and Sean McAndrew each scored twice.

Villani's Landscape managed three goals, but by the time the dust settled, the scoreboard

looked like somebody had accidentally entered a football score.

🤝 FOUR-FOUR FRENZY

GI Greatscape 4 — Greater Niagara Mechanical 4

Nobody wanted to win.

Nobody wanted to lose.

So they compromised.

Four-four tie.

Sam Prezioso led Greater Niagara Mechanical with 2 goals, while Tim Finkle added a goal

and two assists.

GI Greatscape got two from Tony Mermigas, with Eric Leffler and Don Saph adding the others.

The result gives both teams one point, which is exactly what you get when nobody can figure out how to win.

📊 THE STANDINGS AFTER TWO WEEKS

🏆 THE UNDEFEATED CLUB

AAA Timberline — 2-0 — 4 points

Brick Oven Grinders — 2-0 — 4 points

These two teams are currently looking down at everyone else from the top of the mountain.

It's a long season. But they're definitely going to remind everyone they're 2-0.

Probably every Tuesday.

🍺 THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK

Watchtower Financial — 1-1 — 2 points

HHJ Dentistry — 1-1 — 2 points

MacKenzie's Automotive — 1-1 — 2 points

Three teams sitting at .500 and all convinced they're one hot streak away from becoming unstoppable.

😬 THE “WE'LL GET 'EM NEXT WEEK” CLUB

Greater Niagara Mechanical — 0-1-1 — 1 point

GI Greatscape — 0-1-1 — 1 point

Technically, they're not winless.

They're pointful-less?

Actually, never mind.

They got a point.

We're journalists, not mathematicians.

🚨 VILLANI'S LANDSCAPE

0-2 — 0 points

Villani's is currently sitting at the bottom of the standings.

But there's good news:

IT'S ONLY WEEK 2.

There's still plenty of time to turn things around.

There's also plenty of time for everyone else's knees to fall apart.

🏒 WEEK 2 AWARDS

🥇 Offensive Player of the Week

Colton Anstey — Watchtower Financial

5 goals

At this point, someone should probably check his birth certificate.

🥅 Team of the Week

Watchtower Financial

Twelve goals is difficult to ignore.

Unless you're Evans.

Apparently he managed to.

🤷 Mystery of the Week

Mike Evans — 0 points

12 goals.

Zero points.

Absolutely historic.

🦵 Most Likely to Say “My Groin Is Fine”

Every player in the league.

🚿 THE WEEKLY LOCKER ROOM REMINDER

Gentlemen…

TAKE. THE. SHOWER.

You are over 30.

You just played hockey.

You are sweaty.

Your equipment smells like something died inside it.

Take a shower.

The post-game locker room is supposed to be about team bonding, telling everyone how you almost scored, blaming the refs, discussing questionable line changes and deciding where everyone is going afterward.

It should not smell like a wet hockey bag that's been sitting in a trunk since 2019.

🍻 FINAL WHISTLE

Two weeks down.

The standings are starting to separate.

The chirping is getting louder.

The scoring is getting crazier.

The beer is still cold.

And somehow, everyone is going to show up again next Tuesday despite everything their bodies are telling them.

That's what makes beer league hockey great.

We're not here because we're young.

We're not here because we're fast.

We're not even here because we're particularly smart.